


Rainstorms and Sunshine

by Storyteller_of_the_Forest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family is family, Gen, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, No Slash, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 00:32:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19734763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyteller_of_the_Forest/pseuds/Storyteller_of_the_Forest
Summary: In the aftermath of a war, there are lingering scars. Even though Thanos has fallen, he is not easily forgotten.When Thor's anxiety worsens, Loki is forced to confront the fact that his help is not enough. He comes to realize that the Aesir tendency to deny problems they didn't want to deal with led to an enormous amount of silent suffering. Thankfully, the Midgardians appear to be more advanced in the field of psychology and mental health than the Aesir ever were.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This short fic came about because I'm sick and tired of seeing casual cruelty everywhere I go. Specifically, at my new job. There's an individual who works there who suffers from anxiety and has a couple other disabilities. One of our coworkers has been targeting her because of it, berating her until she's in tears, bullying her constantly. I've gotten on the bully's bad side because I keep calling her out, but she won't leave the person alone (full disclosure: the sadistic nurse who turns up at the end of this part is 100% based on the work bully and what she says is based on what the work bully said to the person who suffers from anxiety).
> 
> I was so infuriated by this that I decided to write this short fic because I want people with anxiety to know that they're heroic. The fact that you get up everyday and exist and live with anxiety is nothing short of heroic. Anyone who suggests otherwise is a f-ing a$$hole. Struggling with anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. Living with it is difficult and no one should ever feel ashamed for seeking help.
> 
> I was actually quite interested to explore Asgardian views (or lack of understanding) of mental illness. I was interested in Aesir culture being one that was advanced in almost every way, but so incredibly behind when it came to mental health. I thought it would be interesting if Midgard was more advanced in this field.
> 
> This fic deals with some very dark subject matter. If you're easily triggered, I would recommend proceeding with caution. It might not fit neatly into my series. I really did try to make it fit, but I'm so furious that it's super hard to write anything that's not just a string of obscenities. I'm hoping readers will still enjoy the story and I look forward to reading your reactions to it.
> 
> This fic takes place sometime before the adventures of New Asgard begin. It's during the time when Thor really struggled with his PTSD, anxiety, and depression (shortly before he was diagnosed). I'm sorry if it moves a little too fast: I honestly don't have the time to go super in depth and write an extended multi-chap fic. The first chapter is the story and the second (which will go up on Wednesday) is a short epilogue. Basically, it's a one-shot with an epilogue.
> 
> Yeah, I hope you enjoy the story.
> 
> REGULAR WARNINGS
> 
> Haven't seen Infinity War and am not going to see Infinity War (the Russos are terrible human beings. I don't want to hear about them or their god awful garbage).
> 
> I don't do romantic ships, especially not between family members. If you're into that kind of thing, go elsewhere (and don't tag my work with incest ships, please).
> 
> In my mind, after the battle with Thanos, Thor left the Avengers to take care of his people. The original Avengers disbanded and there's a mostly new group of superheroes taking up the mantel. I feel like the original team earned a retirement after defeating Thanos. However, they all still keep in touch and visit each other on occasion.
> 
> I'm still somewhat new to writing fics. So I apologize for any mistakes, mis-characterizations, formatting errors, or just any glaring errors. Please be gentle: writing fics is literally stress relief for me.
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. I don't own anything, obviously all characters and recognizable aspects belong to Marvel.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story and thank you for reading :)

Brunnhilde glanced over to the passenger side seat, where Loki was fidgeting. He kept bouncing his knee, his attention fixed on the scenery blurring past the window. Every now and again, he would play with his fingers. He was uneasy. If he were bored, he would have played with his magic and been much more annoying. Fidgeting meant he was uneasy.

Loki looked over at her and opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something, but then closed it again and looked back out the window.

“It’ll be all right, Lackey,” she said, as she carefully steered around a turn. She’d driven this way many times over the past few months and knew the route like the back of her hand.

“I had just started enjoying the peace and quiet,” Loki muttered. “It was so nice to finally have the house to myself again.”

Brunnhilde snorted. “Did you even spend any time at home? I was convinced you were living in town hall.”

“Do you know what it’s like running a country and rebuilding a life for the Aesir? From scratch?” Loki replied. “It’s never ending work. I solve one problem and about ten more immediately pop up. The trade agreements alone take hours and are mind-numbingly dull.”

He was quiet for a moment before adding. “I’ll be relieved when Thor can finally take over. Whenever that may be.”

The Valkyrie cleared her throat. “His doctors sent over some information about bringing him home, some things to expect.”

Loki nodded. “I read a bit of it.”

He looked down at his hands, playing with his fingers. “I also read that there’s a good chance he could start spiraling again. That he might…”

The trickster trailed off and stared out the window again. Brunnhilde briefly glanced at him and looked at the road again.

“You’re looking at this all wrong,” she mentioned and Loki looked over at her. “On Asgard, we never spoke of these conditions or ailments. The Aesir didn’t keep records of such things or the deaths caused by them. We thought if we just ignored the problem, pretended like it didn’t exist, it would magically go away. When it came to physical wounds and illnesses, we were second to none in terms of treatment. But illnesses of the mind? We preferred to just turn a blind eye.”

Loki studied her for a moment. “You’ve lived many years, Brunnhilde. Were such ailments ever experienced among the Valkyrie?”

Brunnhilde leaned back a little. “You know, I’ve thought about it a lot over the past few months. I believe they did, but we were conditioned to ignore them and I fear a great many of us missed the signs of such illnesses.”

A thoughtful look crossed her face and she steered around another turn. “About a decade or so before Odin sent the Valkyrie to fight Hela, there was one girl, a newer Valkyrie, who experienced spells of melancholy. I trained her a bit and she was so talented. We knew she was destined to be a legend, sung of in great ballads. But she was always so withdrawn and frequently isolated herself. I didn’t notice anything was wrong until it was much too late. She threw herself off a cliff.”

Brunnhilde went quiet for a moment, her gaze briefly becoming distant. Then she glanced at Loki before turning her attention back to the road.

“Taking one’s own life, the Aesier always believed it was a cowardly act. She didn’t receive a traditional funeral. She wasn’t sent off into the constellations to join her ancestors. They interred her body in a small field, where we buried those who didn’t die honorably. It was a place nobody visited,” Brunnhilde continued. “Nobody except Queen Frigga on occasion. And me. When I was still with the Valkyrie, I visited the girl’s grave as often as I could. I left blossoms, light blue ones, her favorite color. It didn’t seem right to just forget her. One of the many regrets I experienced after fleeing the battlefield was that I was never able to visit her grave again. Nobody was left to visit her or remember her. The girl had family, but they disowned her after her death. None of her siblings or parents ever visited her grave. To go to that field was to admit shame, but I think to abandon someone was much more cowardly than how she died.”

Loki turned his gaze back out the window, thinking back to his own fall from the Bifrost. He hadn’t had anything left. The shame had been overwhelming and when he hadn’t died, it had been even worse. He had lost his sense of self and it had broken Loki. The sting of that memory still needled at him sometimes. It was why he’d taken some grim satisfaction when something similar happened to Thor after Odin’s passing. His perfect brother finally understood what it felt like to have his entire world turned upside down practically overnight.

Of course, Loki had never wished such misery as what Thor had been experiencing since his return after the war of the Gauntlet. He never thought Thor would be capable of such despair. As Brunnhilde had said, the Aesir preferred to ignore such ailments. Their ignorance and Loki’s own had almost cost Thor his life. Again.

Loki closed his eyes and leaned back, his mind drifting back to that terrible night a few months ago.

_*_

Loki’s heart was hammering in his ears as he ran through the pitch black night, rain beating down on him. His hair and clothes were already soaked through, but Loki didn’t even notice. Terror overwhelmed him, unlike any he had ever experienced before. He hadn’t even been so afraid when Thanos attacked their ship. At that moment, he would have preferred to be facing off against the mad titan and his vicious followers. Loki would have preferred to be back on the Sanctuary, enduring torture again. He would have preferred to have his throat in Thanos’ iron grasp as it slowly tightened. Loki would know what to do in that situation, in any situation in which he was in peril. He didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. And it was frightening.

He reached the cliff’s edge and slid on the slick grass, falling to his knees. Scrambling to the edge, Loki squinted as he tried to see through the inky darkness. _He’s not dead. He’s not dead. Thor would never…he could never…_

Slapping the ground in frustration, Loki let out a snarl. Conjuring up a ball of magic, he hurled it down into the darkness. His heart stopped when he saw a shadow that looked frighteningly like a body. Gods, that could be a body, that could be Thor.

“Thor!” Loki shouted. “THOR!?”

He wasn’t too late, he couldn’t be. _Gods, please don’t let me be too late._

Conjuring up another ball of magic, Loki spoke a few words and sent it down to the rocks where waves were crashing against the boulders. It brightened and spread out. Loki let out a sob of relief when he saw the form he thought was a body: it was just a strangely shaped boulder, vegetation, and the way shadows fell on it. Dropping his brow to the wet ground, Loki took a few deep breaths and forced himself to calm down. He would need his wits about him if he wanted to find his brother.

Rising back to his feet, Loki pulled his phone out and scrolled through his contacts, pressing the one he was looking for. It only took a few rings before she picked up.

“Lackey?” her voice was rough with sleep. “Wha—?”

“It’s my brother. I-I can’t find him,” Loki had to yell over the storm. He ran a hand through his wet hair, his mind racing as he tried to figure out where Thor could be. “I fell asleep. I stupidly fell asleep and when I woke up, the door was open and Thor was gone. I don’t know where he is, Brunnhilde.”

There was a brief quiet on the other end of the line. “Loki, what aren’t you telling me?”

Loki closed his eyes, tugging on his long hair. “Thor has had a trying week. He’s listless and has experienced more spells of melancholy than usual. I didn’t…I was just glad his panic episodes were decreasing. I didn’t think about the increase of his melancholy spells.”

The trickster paused, rubbing his eyes. “He’s…he’s come to the cliffs before, some time ago. I found him, standing at the edge. I…I think he was going to…”

The dark-haired god couldn’t even bring himself to finish the thought. He didn’t even want to consider it. Thor wasn’t capable of such an act. He would never do that. He would never leave his people or his friends. He wouldn’t leave Loki again. Thor was strong and responsible, a hero, a god. And gods didn’t…

“Do you think…?”

“I don’t know,” Loki said, feeling frantic. “I don’t know.”

There was a beat and then he could hear her getting out of bed, rustling about. Looking around at the dark night, Loki felt his own panic increasing. He should have known something was wrong. If something happened to Thor…he should have been more vigilant. Loki had noticed something was off. He always noticed.

_Thanos is going to steal my brother from me again._

“Loki, take a deep breath,” Brunnhilde’s calm voice came through the other end of the line. “We’ll find your brother, okay? But you need to calm down. Where would Thor go? I know he doesn’t often leave the—”

It suddenly hit Loki and he hung up the phone, swiftly running down the hill. He could feel his phone vibrating in his inner pocket, but he ignored it. At the moment, he just wanted to retrieve his oaf of a brother. Loki just wanted to bring Thor back home.

The trickster ran faster than he’d ever run before, cursing his inability to teleport as efficiently as he had once been able to. That ability had been the sacrifice he’d had to make to survive Thanos. Loki had never realized just how useful that particular skill had been.

The rain continued to beat at him, but Loki didn’t notice as he continued running. He reached the memorial and dashed for the hidden gate. It was shut, but when Loki tested it, he found it unlocked. Throwing open the gate, the dark-haired god ran inside. He soon reached the shrine and looked inside.

“Thor!?”

Loki’s heart sank when he saw it was empty. His brother wasn’t sitting on the bench inside. Loki once again ran his hands through his wet hair, his green eyes darting around the space. _No, he has to be here! This is the only place he could be! The only place I can think that he would come!_

Turning around, he started running back up the path. Loki skidded to a halt when he saw a form out of the corner of his eye. Twisting, he spotted a shadowy figure hunched over under Frigga’s favorite tree.

“Thor!”

Loki dashed over to his kneeling brother, almost falling on the wet ground. Anger and relief were overwhelming him as he reached his brother and fell to his knees in front of him.

“Don’t ever do that again!” Loki snapped angrily. “Do you know how—!”

The words died on his tongue when Loki saw the knife his brother was holding. Blood was dripping from the blade and Thor was staring intently at a long slash running down his inner arm. His expression was a strange mix of emotions: sadness, curiosity, confusion.

“Thor, what did you do?” Loki asked, feeling the icy grip of fear clawing at him again. He reached for the knife, but Thor pulled away.

“I can’t feel it.”

Loki looked back to his brother’s face. He could barely hear his mumbled words over the rain. Thor stared at the blood flowing down his arm. Slowly, he turned his face up to the sky, rain streaming down his features.

“I woke up and heard the storm, but I didn’t feel it,” Thor continued, his lower lip trembling. “I always feel storms, but…I can’t anymore. Not even now, not even when I’m in it.”

Thor looked over at Loki, tears brimming in his blue eye. “I can’t feel anything anymore.”

Loki stared at him, unsure how to respond. He didn’t have Thor’s abilities and it struck him that he didn’t really know much about them. Thor’s eye dropped back to the gushing wound.

“My lightning is gone,” Thor mumbled. “I was trying to find it, but it’s gone.”

He started bringing the knife back to his arm but Loki grabbed his wrist, not hesitating. He tried to think of some clever taunt, some teasing comment, anything to snap Thor out of the state he was in, but Loki found he was too horrified. Thor raised his blue eye to his brother again, misery swimming in its depths. Seeing that amount of pain made Loki’s heart hurt and he could feel his own eyes well up.

“Stop,” Loki pleaded. “Please, stop.”

Thor’s face crumpled and he released the knife, which Loki quickly tossed away. He wrapped his arms around his brother and embraced him tighter than he ever had before. Thor sobbed as he buried his face in Loki’s shoulder. Loki cradled the back of his brother’s head with one hand, closing his own eyes.

“It’s gone, Loki. My lightning is gone,” Thor wept as Loki started stroking his short hair. “I have nothing left. Thanos took everything from me. I…I don’t know what I am anymore.”

“You’re Thor. You’re my infuriating brother, the legendary god of thunder, a hero,” Loki told him. “You have me and Brunnhilde and Korg and Miek. You have your Avenger friends. You have your people and you have your lightning. Thanos took nothing from you. You defeated him.”

“My lightning is gone, it’s gone,” Thor continued to sob. Loki just held him, allowing his own fear to dissipate. Adrenaline was still pumping through his system and he held his brother tightly. The rain concealed the tears that were streaming down his face.

*

They walked home together, side-by-side. Loki had to support his brother, who slumped against him, unable to move on his own. The trickster wrapped the deep wound in Thor’s arm with his jacket. Loki had to tie it tightly. Thor either refused to hold it or was unable to. The dark-haired god couldn’t tell which it was as his brother had become unresponsive again.

The rain was just starting to let up when they reached their home. Brunnhilde was standing on their doorstep under a large umbrella. Her lips were pressed tightly together and her expression was unreadable. She opened the door when they approached, watching as the two stepped past her.

Loki led Thor into the bathroom and had him sit down. Reaching over to the small cabinet, he opened it and pulled out a first aid kit. He sniffled as he opened the box, sorting through what he would need. He had hoped something like this would never happen, but Loki made certain he was prepared for if it did.

Looking over at Thor, Loki noticed his brother was shivering and his lips were slightly blue. Loki grabbed a towel hanging over a bar near the bathtub and started drying off the god of thunder. He gently ran the towel over Thor’s face and hair, moving down to his arms. Thor winced when Loki touched his bleeding arm and the trickster paused, studying his brother’s face. The god of thunder’s expression was still blank and he stared straight ahead.

“Did I hurt you, brother?” Loki asked. Thor didn’t respond and Loki sighed as he continued drying Thor as best he could. After a moment, he stood up and draped the now damp towel back over the bar.

“Let me see your arm,” Loki requested softly. When his brother didn’t react, he gently lifted Thor’s arm. Loki pulled back the jacket and gritted his teeth. It was a deep wound and one Loki would have preferred a healer see to. However, he knew Thor didn’t like people to see him in such a state. He still felt shame and embarrassment about these episodes. Since he’d started experiencing regular anxiety episodes, Loki had learned everything he could about Midgardian medicine and first aid. He had Eir teach him how to treat various wounds. He wasn’t a healer, but Loki knew enough to be able to take care of his brother.

Placing Thor’s arm back in his lap, Loki turned his attention to the first aid kit. _Whatever the titan monster broke, I shall fix. He will not win. He will not beat Thor. I’m smarter than Thanos and Thor is stronger than him. We will not be beaten by some dead barbarian with delusions of grandeur,_ Loki repeated the same mantra in his mind that he always did when Thor experienced one of his episodes. He glanced to the side when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Brunnhilde was standing in the open door and held out a blanket.

“Do you need anything?” she asked. Loki ran the back of his hand over his brow, taking the blanket from her. He unfolded it and draped it over Thor’s broad shoulders.

“He’s…he got hurt. I’m not sure how, but he’s lost a fair amount of blood,” Loki lied, adjusting the blanket. “He should probably eat something. There should be something suitable in the kitchen somewhere. Korg brought over groceries last night.”

The dark haired god swallowed when he realized neither of them had left the house recently. Thor’s episodes had started to become more regular and so Loki remained home as much as possible. He went to the town hall to oversee matters related to running New Asgard, but he always returned straight home, usually to find his brother experiencing an anxiety episode. It had become a routine: wake up, leave Thor a note, spend a few hours at the town hall, return home and spend an hour or two bringing Thor out of whatever flashback he found himself in. On the days when he was exceedingly lucky, Loki would return home to find his brother in a state of melancholy and then it was just a matter of making sure Thor would eat and drink something.

Loki didn’t have time to run errands and Thor wasn’t in any state to do so, so they relied on Korg and Miek to pick up groceries and other necessities. The former gladiators were more than happy to do so, but the trickster knew they were also concerned.

Loki heard the Valkyrie’s footsteps move away from the bathroom and toward the kitchen. Picking up the kit and placing it on the floor, Loki knelt in front of his brother. He untied the makeshift bandage and carefully peeled the now ruined jacket away from Thor’s bleeding arm, wincing at the gash. Loki wasn’t a healer, but even he could see how close Thor had come to doing severe and lasting damage. _It’s a miracle he didn’t hit an artery,_ Loki thought as he examined the deep wound. He glanced up at his brother’s face. Thor was staring off into nothingness, his expression blank.

“Can you hear me, brother?” Loki asked, unsure how aware his brother was. Thor didn’t respond and Loki turned his attention back to the wound. He grabbed a bottle of antiseptic, uncapping it.

“This might hurt a bit,” he said, smiling faintly. “Probably nowhere near as much as when I stabbed you the dozen or so times when we were children.”

Glancing up at Thor, hopeful for some reaction, Loki’s smile fell when he saw the same blank expression. Clearing his throat, he started tending to the wound.

As he cleaned it out, Loki watched his brother’s face for any reaction. He knew at least one of the substances he was using stung. Yet Thor didn’t react. He just stared ahead with his glassy gaze, a blank expression on his face.

_I can’t feel the storm. My lightning is gone._

Thor’s heartbroken words echoed in Loki’s mind. He tried to reason it away: Midgard was an entirely different world and his brother had very recently been dead. Thor was still acclimating to the different weather and he was definitely still healing, still recovering. It would take some time, but eventually, the god of thunder would adjust and then things would go back to normal. Lightning and storms were in his blood. It was impossible for him to just not feel them anymore.

_But he has always been able to feel storms. Even when we were younger. No matter what world we visited, Thor would feel a connection with the storms._

Loki shook his head, banishing the concern from his mind. He focused entirely on the wound and continued tending to it. Brunnhilde’s footsteps soon approached again, pausing in the doorway.

“That looks self—”

“It’s not,” Loki said sharply, before repeating in a softer tone. “It’s not.”

There was quiet between them as Loki finished taking care of the wound. He unwound a roll of gauze and wrapped Thor’s arm, fastening it so it was secure but not cutting off his brother’s circulation. Loki looked over his shoulder. Brunnhilde was holding a box of crackers and a bottle of water. The trickster gracefully leaned back and she handed them to him. Loki turned his attention back to his brother.

“Thor?”

The god of thunder didn’t respond and Loki struggled not to get frustrated. The unfairness of the situation was infuriating. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Thor was supposed to defeat Thanos with the help of his friends and Loki’s timely appearance. He was supposed to be furious with Loki for faking his death (again), but then he would be overjoyed that his brother had survived. They were supposed to recover and put this whole mess behind them, like they always did, and get on with their lives.

Thor shouldn’t be like this, in this state, and Loki didn’t know why this time was so different.

“Brother, please,” the trickster said. Thor still didn’t respond.

Loki didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to take on this responsibility. He wasn’t supposed to. Thor was supposed to be the responsible one. He had always been the responsible one. This wasn’t fair!

“Thor, you lost a lot of blood. Not a dangerous amount, but not a slight amount either. You must eat something.”

Thor still didn’t react. His brother was strong, invincible, a legendary hero. He wasn’t supposed to be like this. Thor should be able to take care of himself. He should have been able to defeat Thanos before any of this had happened. If there were any fairness in the world, any justice, Thor would have easily defeated Thanos. The mad titan shouldn’t have been able to succeed in enacting his heinous plan. Thor shouldn’t have died on that battlefield. He shouldn’t carry such guilt, shouldn’t suffer so.

“Thor.”

There was no reaction. Loki growled and threw the box off to the side, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. If this kept up, he was going to have to put everything in a blender and force feed his brother some vile concoction. Gods, Loki was going to be furious if it came to that. His strong heroic brother having to be force fed some repulsive pureed concoction because he refused to eat.

“Why are you like this!?” Loki snapped before he could prevent himself. His voice bounced off the empty walls. Thor flinched and started shivering even more, his eye welling up.

“Lackey, yelling at him isn’t going to help. This isn’t Thor’s fault. I doubt he wants to be in this state. He can’t help it,” Brunnhilde reminded him gently and Loki dropped his head. He leaned forward so he rested on his knuckles, closed his eyes, and slowly let out his breath, forcing himself to calm down. The tension was only starting to leave his body and now he just felt tired.

Part of him, an oddly small part, wanted to run. It was an instinct, really, one the trickster had always listened to in the past. Loki wanted to flee, far away from this planet and his hurting brother. To disappear amongst the stars, find some planet and enact some scheme, forget all that had happened on this dreary little world. Go back to doing what he knew, what he was good at.

_How long would Thor last in this state, if I vanished?_ Loki thought and swallowed the sick feeling that rose at the thought of how such a disappearance would affect his brother. The god of thunder often panicked when Loki was away, even if he knew exactly where his brother would be. If Thor woke up and Loki was gone without explanation…

_You already lost your brother once. If you allow your frustration to get the better of you, you will lose him again. You will lose the only family you have left, one who has never given up on you. Thor returning was a gift. It was what you wanted, more than anything. Are you really so willing to abandon him just because he is struggling? Would he do the same, if the roles were reversed?_

Loki looked up into the blank face of the shell of his brother, the remains Thanos had left him. Loki’s punishment for trying to outsmart a titan.

“I know,” Loki said softly. He had to be better, had to be more. After a moment, he reached forward and laid his hand over his brother’s. Thor closed his eye, tears streaming from beneath his lid, and Loki could feel the tremors in his hand. The dark-haired god grinned faintly. Thor’s hand was still strong and warm, familiar. For that, Loki was grateful.

“I’m sorry,” he told his brother. “I did not mean to yell. You know how much I dislike getting wet. The rain is your dominion, not mine, Thor.”

Thor looked at the trickster, his eye brimming with tears. Loki got to his knees and rested his brow against his brother’s. He could feel the way Thor was shivering and knew it wasn’t entirely due to the cold rain. Yet Loki could still sense, could still _feel_ , that warmth that was so unique to his brother. Thor was still so powerful. A little damaged perhaps, but still Loki’s brother. The mad titan had broken Thor’s body, taken his life, but he hadn’t damaged Thor’s great big heart. It was hurting with all the cruelty the god of thunder had witnessed and experienced during that war, but it was beating within his breast. That was how Loki knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Thor was still Thor.

“Are you tired? Do you wish to sleep?”

The trembling got more intense and Loki gently placed one hand on the back of Thor’s neck. He had a feeling about what his brother feared. After these episodes, when Thor experienced an unholy combination of panic and melancholy, he usually had vivid nightmares. The first couple of times, they were so intense they even unnerved Loki. The trickster quickly adjusted and figured out how to deal with them.

“It’s okay,” Loki soothed. “You can sleep in my bed tonight. Bad dreams are no match for me, remember? I’m the biggest nightmare of all.”

Thor let out a soft huff of laughter, which sounded a little like a sigh of relief. He kept his brow against Loki’s, sadness still lingering on his face.

“You’re going to leave again. You’re going to be taken away by something,” Thor whispered, sounding like a lost child. His lower lip trembled, his eye remaining closed. “I cannot protect you in the state I’m in. I could not protect you when the titan attacked us. What if some other monster comes and harms you? What if there is another Thanos out there? What if—?”

“Shh, shh,” Loki soothed as his brother started to become agitated. “Nothing is going to harm me. I’m not going anywhere, brother. Not for the moment. There are no monsters who threaten us tonight, I promise.”

Loki felt Thor nod slightly, keeping his brow pressed against Loki’s. The trickster knew the close contact helped Thor ground himself. It reminded him of what he still had.

After a moment, Loki got to his feet and guided Thor up to his own, allowing his brother to lean against him. He led the god of thunder down the short hall to their bedroom, moving over to his large bed. Pulling back the covers, Loki allowed Thor to sit on the mattress.

Moving over to the small dresser, Loki pulled one of the drawers open and grabbed a clean night shirt. He strode back to the bed where Thor was staring blankly at the wall. The trickster removed his brother’s wet shirt, tossing it over to the laundry basket. Seeing the numerous scars decorating Thor’s body made Loki pause. His brother didn’t scar easily, none of the Aesir did. Thor hadn’t had any noticeable scars before Thanos.

Loki felt his heart in his throat when he saw the round scars across his brother’s strong chest, bright pink against Thor’s naturally tan flesh. He wanted to look away but the trickster found he could not. That Thor had somehow survived being burned with all five stones was a miracle, but Loki knew how much pain that must have caused. Thor would have experienced agony unlike any other at the stones’ touch, even before Thanos ripped his soul from him. Loki hated to think of that, imagining how his brother would have screamed. He hated those scars more than the long jagged line down Thor’s middle, the scar of the wound that had taken his life. Thor’s body was a record of pain, pain inflicted by the mad titan. It was a constant reminder to the god of thunder about that war.

“I’m sorry,” Loki whispered before he could stop himself. Thor’s brow furrowed and he looked over at his brother, confused. Loki shook his head, shaking himself out of his thoughts. He cleared his throat and unfolded the shirt, gesturing for his brother to lift his arms, which Thor did.

“You know, being your personal servant has never been a position I was particularly interested in,” Loki teased as he put a clean shirt on his brother. Thor dropped his head, shame coloring his face. Loki’s shoulders slumped a little.

“Thor, look at me,” he said firmly, waiting until the god of thunder met his gaze. “Do you remember the promise we made each other after you experienced that first panic episode? No matter what, we don’t allow the mad titan a victory, not even from beyond the grave.”

Thor swallowed. “We take care of each other, help heal whatever scars Thanos may have left. Just-just like Mother would have wanted.”

Loki nodded and fluffed the pillow, guiding his brother to lie down on the bed. Thor stared at the wall, his entire body trembling. Loki pulled the covers up and Thor tucked his arms beneath them. Tears were starting to run down his face again. Loki sat beside him, gently running his hand over his brother’s short hair.

“I want to be worthy again, Loki. But I fear I never shall be, not after what Thanos did to me, not after all he took,” Thor confided, sniffling. “I don’t know how to live like this.”

“You adjust and you learn. It will take a long time and a great amount of patience, but it does get easier, brother. Learning how to live again gets easier,” Loki replied. Thor was quiet for a moment, tears still running down his face.

“And if I do not want to?”

It was such a simple sentence, but hearing his brother utter it, Loki felt dread. He had known his brother was struggling, he wasn’t a fool, but he thought Thor would eventually begin to cope. If Thor didn’t want to do that, if he had lost the will to continue going…there was only so much Loki could do to keep him alive. And Loki didn’t want to lose his brother. He couldn’t.

“Will you at least try? For me?” Loki asked softly. Thor pulled the covers tighter around himself, looking away from his brother, not responding.

A feeble smile danced over Loki’s lips and a strangled laugh escaped him. “Always so stubborn, brother. I fear that’s something that shall never change.”

Thor pulled his arms closer to himself, turning his face slightly towards his brother’s hand and closing his eye.

“You are tired, Thor,” Loki said. “You must rest.”

Thor nodded and turned his face back to the pillow. Loki leaned down, kissed his temple, and then rose from the bed.

“Where are you going?” Thor’s soft wobbling voice made Loki pause. He twisted to look at Thor again, grinning faintly.

“I am just going to speak with Brunnhilde for a bit. I shall return shortly,” Loki told him. “Try to get some sleep.”

The god of thunder sighed and closed his eye. Loki strode out of the room, closing the door behind him but leaving it open a crack. If his brother was distressed, the trickster wanted to make sure he could hear him. He knew it was likely Thor would have a nightmare during the night, whatever was left of it. Loki wanted to make sure he could minimize its duration.

Stepping into the main room, Loki’s eyes suddenly welled up and he paused, sniffling. Swiping at his eyes, he cleared his throat and looked up at the ceiling, swallowing his tears. There was no time to weep and there wasn’t a point to it.

“You need to bring Thor some place with doctors who have experience in this sort of thing.”

Loki’s eyes snapped over to where the Valkyrie was standing, a few feet away with her hands on her hips. The dark-haired god’s jaw clenched and he felt his ire rise.

“Lackey—”

“Not here,” Loki hissed as he stormed past her and into the kitchen. He could practically hear her roll her eyes as her soft footsteps followed his. Loki switched on the lights over the appliances and made his way to the cupboard, pulling out a bottle of wine. Turning back to the Valkyrie, he held up the bottle, offering. She waved her hand and he shrugged.

“You don’t know of what you speak,” Loki told her as he grabbed a wine glass from the cabinet.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Brunnhilde replied. “He who lives in the land of denial.”

Loki let out an icy laugh of frustration as he swirled the newly poured wine in his glass. “I’m in denial. So, how do you suggest I escape such a state? Drink my problems away on some garbage planet serving some lunatic tyrant or is that just a Valkyrie tradition?”

“Lackey, Thor needs help or he’s going to die.”

“He has help. I’m here and I’ll stay until he’s his normal annoyingly optimistic self again,” Loki replied, sipping his wine. Brunnhilde ran her hands over her face, letting out a groan of frustration.

“You’re a good brother, Loki, but your help isn’t enough. Thor isn’t just going to get better on his own,” she argued. “I know a self-inflicted wound when I see one and I know the signs of sleep deprivation. One doesn’t need to be a genius to see what’s happening here. How long can you expect to keep Thor alive?”

“And exactly what would you know about keeping someone alive, Valkyrie, hmm? Last time I checked, everyone you cared about had died rather brutally and you just ran away.”

A muscle twitched in Brunnhilde’s jaw and Loki raised an eyebrow, curious to see if she would strike him. What he’d said certainly warranted it. Loki sipped his wine and waited patiently.

Brunnhilde approached him and put her hands on the counter, glaring at him so fiercely that Loki felt an actual chill go down his spine.

“You’re right. I know exactly what it’s like to lose everyone I love in an instant. An instant, Loki, that’s all it takes. That’s all it took for Thanos to wipe out half of all life in the galaxy. That’s all it took the mad titan to kill Thor on that battlefield. That’s all it will take for Thor to finish the job. All it takes is one slip up, one careless mistake, and this miraculous second chance you’ve been given vanishes,” Brunnhilde warned. Loki swallowed and stared at her.

“Your brother came back, but he’s not invincible. Don’t squander this chance, Loki. You want Thor to survive, to recover? Then put your goddamn ego aside for once and get your brother the help he needs.”

With that, Brunnhilde straightened her shoulders and strode out of the kitchen, leaving Loki alone to ponder her words.

*

Loki awoke shortly before dawn to his brother shaking him frantically, panting and weeping, incoherent as he wailed. The dark-haired god sat up and blinked a few times, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes and shake the cobwebs from his brain.

“Thor? What’s the matter?” he asked, his soft voice rough with sleep.

Thor collapsed over him, still wailing and clinging tightly to Loki.

“You were…you were…” he sniffled, his breath stuttering as he tried to form words. “You were…dead. I couldn’t wake you. You were so cold and still. I didn’t save you. I couldn’t save you. I failed.”

Loki wrapped his arms around his brother as Thor curled up against him, clutching his nightclothes tightly, still weeping and shaking violently, his heart hammering in his chest. Loki ran a hand over his brother’s hair, shushing him, rocking him gently as he tried to calm Thor down. Normally he woke at the smallest sound, but he hadn’t slept much the past few days and it made his sleep heavier than normal.

_What if Thor hadn’t just tried to wake you? What if he convinced himself you were dead? What if he wound up back at that cliff’s edge? He wouldn’t even have to leave the house. How many weapons are kept here? How many knives are in the kitchen?_

Loki unconsciously clutched Thor tighter, allowing him to weep. Glancing over to the night table beside his bed, Loki noticed his cell phone laying there. Swallowing, he came to a decision and hoped it would be the right one.

Eventually, Thor fell asleep again, his head resting on Loki’s chest. Still holding his brother, Loki used his telekinesis to bring his phone to his hand. Scrolling through his contacts, he found Brunnhilde’s number and composed a brief text: _You were right. If he’s to become a leader, if he’s to be well again, Thor needs more help than I can provide. Have the papers drawn up and one of us shall sign them._

Loki gritted his teeth, his thumb hovering over the send button. He hated doing this. It felt like giving up and Loki loathed surrendering. There wasn’t a problem he couldn’t solve, a quandary he couldn’t fix. Why should this be any different?

Looking to his brother’s tear-streaked face and feeling the way his strong body trembled in his arms, Loki felt some of his anger and stubbornness fade. He was so willing to sacrifice everything for Thor’s well-being, perhaps that included his pride. Loki rolled his eyes, muttering about his damn brother making him sentimental. He pressed send and put the phone off to the side, leaning back against the headboard and closing his eyes.

_Gods, I hope this is the right thing to do._

*

It had only taken a couple days to find a suitable facility. Loki stood in the kitchen doorway, watching as Brunnhilde explained to Thor about what was going on. Thor was watching her, listening intently. He frowned when she handed him some paperwork, which he looked over. He briefly glanced up at Loki, who was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. Looking back to the paperwork, Thor took the pen Brunnhilde offered him and signed his name on the document.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning,” Brunnhilde told him, offering him a sad smile as she rubbed his arm. “You’re going to get better, my friend.”

Thor smiled a watery smile and watched as she left. He looked to his hands, tapping his fingertips together. There was silence between the brothers for a while. Then Loki pushed off the doorframe and turned to go into the kitchen.

“I’ll order dinner,” he called over his shoulder.

Dinner had been eaten in silence. Afterwards, Loki turned his attention to some documents that needed to be reviewed ahead of a meeting the next day. Thor sat on the floor, paging through a book, occasionally glancing at his brother. Loki pretended not to notice.

“Will you come with? When Brunnhilde brings me to this hospital?” Thor asked softly and Loki shook his head.

“No. There are matters here that require my attention,” Loki replied simply, rubbing his brow. The meeting with the treasury tomorrow was going to be a headache. Since Thor’s return, they’d been the most vocal in inquiring why Loki was still acting as the head of New Asgard. No amount of charm could win them over and their distrust of him was apparent. _Gods, I can only imagine how unbearable they’re going to be now that Thor’s going away for a brief time._

“Okay,” Thor replied softly. Loki looked up, feeling an unreasonable anger overtake him.

“That’s it?” he asked coolly and Thor studied him.

“I know you’re busy, brother. I am grateful to you, for taking care of our people when I cannot. Your dedication to running New Asgard is admirable and I know our home is in good hands,” Thor said with a weak smile. Loki clenched his jaw and struggled not to crumple the document he held.

“Why can you not fight about anything? Just one bloody simple thing,” he growled. He knew he shouldn’t be angry at Thor. This was the right decision. This was what Thor needed to get better. But Loki was still furious. It felt like Thor was giving up. He wasn’t supposed to do that. Surrender was not in his nature.

Loki wanted his brother to be more like his old self, to fight the trickster. He wanted Thor to demand Loki see him off. To insist Loki be a good brother.

Thor was quiet for a bit, his brow furrowing as he looked off to the side. He put the book down and rubbed his palms together, obviously considering his words.

“Loki,” he started, pausing. “Brother, I have nothing left. Every bit of fight, every ounce of strength I had, I expended it to defeat Thanos. It was worth it, but…I simply have nothing left.”

Loki slumped back, looking at his brother. Thor did look…tired. Not just from the lack of sleep and the constant panic episodes, but from something deeper. The trickster wasn’t sure how he hadn’t noticed it before. Thor was completely worn out. The war against Thanos and everything that had occurred after had pushed Thor far past his limits. It had been unlike any other battle the god of thunder had fought and it had taken everything Thor had to be victorious. Thor had sacrificed everything, even his own life, to defeat Thanos and he had no strength left to heal. The dark-haired god had been so blind: his brother had been slowly dying in front of his very eyes and Loki didn’t notice.

Loki got to his feet and approached his brother. Thor watched as Loki sat beside him. The dark-haired god leaned slightly against his brother, like they used to sit when they were very young. Thor rested his head atop Loki’s, closing his eye. Loki focused as he sent a little seidr to Thor, just enough to help alleviate whatever minor aches and pains Thor was experiencing. A small headache that had been steadily building, the aching muscles in his back that resulted from the tension he held in his shoulders. Loki would never be able to heal everything, but he could at least lend his brother some strength.

“What are you doing, brother?” Thor asked softly, sounding half awake.

“We help heal whatever scars Thanos may have left,” Loki reminded him as he continued repairing the small aches and pains that Thor was experiencing. He briefly felt the bone deep tiredness that Thor felt, which had started shortly after his return to life. The amount of pain his brother was in, it made Loki’s eyes well up. _I should have figured out some other way for us to escape Thanos. It was cruel to put Thor through such grief._

They sat there for a long while, until Loki felt the tension leave Thor’s body. The god of thunder felt more relaxed than he had in a long time.

“I’m going to try to get better, Loki,” Thor promised and Loki nodded.

“I know, brother.”

*

The next day, Brunnhilde arrived on time. Thor had put a few of his belongings in a small suitcase. Loki had to remind him about the half dozen things he forgot. _Dear gods, he’s hopeless,_ Loki thought as he watched Thor zip up the bag. Hearing the Valkyrie honk the horn, Loki dropped his arms and moved out into the main room of the house. He grabbed Thor’s jacket and nodded to his brother when Thor stepped into the main room, glancing toward the window.

The trickster could read the nervousness in his brother’s expression as Thor looked out the window at the sunny day.

“Is something wrong, Thor?” Loki asked and Thor looked back at him. He dropped his eye to his feet, sniffling.

“I…don’t like leaving you alone,” Thor admitted quietly and Loki arched an eyebrow. A mischievous grin danced across his lips.

“Worried about my causing trouble, brother? I am the god of chaos. I’m afraid it can’t be helped. But I swear I shall try to keep the mayhem to a minimum,” Loki assured him and Thor furrowed his brow.

“I don’t like not being able to watch your back. If something happens and I’m not here to help you, to protect you…” Thor trailed off and looked out the window again.

At one time, such a statement would have brought out Loki’s ire and been answered with venom from his sharp tongue. While he still felt a pang of that old irritation, Loki mostly just felt indifference to the statement, perhaps even a little warmth. He approached Thor and held up his jacket, helping his brother put it on.

“I’ll be all right,” Loki assured the god of thunder as he pulled up the jacket’s zipper. “I managed things well enough while you were recovering in Wakanda. I can continue doing so for a little while longer. I promise you, I shall be cautious and if there is even a hint of a threat towards me, I will make sure it is dealt with. Don’t forget, we count a Valkyrie among our friends.”

Thor sniffled again and Loki craned his neck, trying to meet his brother’s eye.

“Thor, I will be here when you return, I swear to you. And if anything should happen in that place, if you feel any kind of unease or think they are doing something they shouldn’t, you call me. Do you understand? You contact me and I will come.”

Thor nodded and then wrapped his arms around his brother, burying his face in the trickster’s dark hair. For a moment, Loki considered protesting, but found he did not want to. Truth be told, he was scared about letting Thor go to a hospital like the one Brunnhilde had found. Separating from his brother didn’t seem wise, not when Thor required reassurance. What if he had a nightmare? What if he had a panic episode? Loki wouldn’t be there to help him.

There was the faint sound of a car horn again, indicating Brunnhilde was getting a little impatient. Thor reluctantly pulled away from his brother and Loki patted his shoulder. The god of thunder offered him a weak smile and then squared his shoulders, turning and making his way to the door.

Loki watched as his brother opened the door and stepped out, shutting the door behind him. The trickster let out his breath and turned, moving for the kitchen. He retrieved a clean kettle and filled it with water, putting it on the burner, which he switched on. His vision suddenly went blurry and Loki cleared his throat, swiping at his eyes. Moving over to the table, Loki sat down and felt his walls crumbling. Burying his face in his hands, he allowed himself to have a moment of weakness and cried.

By the time the kettle started whistling, Loki had gathered himself again. He put on a carefully constructed mask and prepared for the day.

_*_

“We’re here, Loki.”

Loki opened his eyes and glanced up at the modest building as Brunnhilde pulled into the parking lot. It had been a little more than a month since Loki had seen the bland structure. It looked just as nauseatingly ordinary as he remembered and he scoffed at what passed for architecture on this planet.

“Could you maybe not be so damn judgmental?” Brunnhilde asked as she looked for a parking spot. She grinned when she saw a car pulling out of a space near the front doors.

“I said nothing,” Loki protested.

“You don’t have to say anything. Your expression is more than enough,” Brunnhilde told him as she focused on parking. “Before you, I had never met anyone who literally turned their nose up at things.”

“That’s because Sakaar was inhabited by cretins,” Loki replied. “If you kept better company—”

“Yeah, uh huh,” Brunnhilde said, obviously not listening to him as she shifted into park. She pulled the keys out of the ignition and sat back, glancing over at him. Loki swallowed and looked down at his boots. He didn’t like this place and he would be happy to never set eyes on it again.

“You good?”

Loki nodded, reaching for the door. He stopped when Brunnhilde put a hand on his wrist. Loki turned his eyes to her.

“Loki, what’s wrong?”

The trickster turned his eyes back to the building. “I never…I only came here once. What if he’s upset? What if he doesn’t want to come home? You know he’ll probably saddle me with the responsibility of running New Asgard.”

Loki looked down to his hands as he fidgeted with his fingers. He was worried that Thor was going to decide he couldn’t remain on the planet where he had experienced such pain. Loki would understand if that were the case, if his brother wanted to leave the world where he had lost everything. The planet where the mad titan had broken him. Loki would understand, but that wouldn’t make it hurt any less.

He felt Brunnhilde gently squeeze his hand. “Lackey, let’s just take things one step at a time. Right now, let’s just retrieve the big guy.”

Loki looked over at her and nodded, opening the door on his side and waiting for her to exit the car. Once she did, they closed the car doors and made their way to the entrance of the building. Loki trailed a couple steps behind Brunnhilde, looking around at everything as they walked inside. The atrociously bland artwork was still on the walls as well as pictures of smiling Midgardians in white coats or suits. The smell was still the awful stench of ammonia.

Brunnhilde went to the front desk and Loki clasped his hands behind his back, waiting patiently. He glanced to the side when he noticed movement, watching as a small group, perhaps a family, made their way to the front doors. A male orderly followed just behind them and froze when he saw Loki. Recognizing the man, Loki smiled his feral grin, one that unnerved Midgardians who were unlucky enough to see it.

“Are you behaving, Brandon?” Loki asked under his breath, casting a simple spell to make his eyes appear ablaze. The orderly’s eyes widened and he quickly scurried away, disappearing around a corner. Loki smirked and recalled the spell, straightening his nice black jacket.

“Lackey.”

He looked over to the Valkyrie who nodded over her shoulder. Loki moved over to her, following her and another nurse to a waiting area.

“He’ll be out in a minute,” Brunnhilde told Loki. “He’s just finishing up a session with his therapist.”

Loki nodded and sat in one of the chairs, allowing his mind to wander to the one time he had visited this place.

_*_

It had been an overcast day and the weather was contributing to his idleness. Loki was bored and he didn’t like being bored. He had sat in on some meetings about New Asgard’s economy, which was finally starting to show signs of growth. The entire world was still recovering from Thanos’ devastating attacks, even years later. It was especially difficult for the Asgardian refugees to get their feet under them. Thor’s sudden departure again had rattled their people.

Everything was a mess and Loki was tired of it.

After another tedious meeting, Loki strode down the hall to his office. He was surprised to find Brunnhilde waiting for him, her hands on her hips.

“Whatever happened, I assure you, I had nothing to do with it. The infestation of snakes in the head treasurer’s home was pure coincidence. I can hardly be blamed for the man choosing to build on a snake breeding ground,” Loki told her as he moved over to his desk. “Traffic must be good. I didn’t think you would be back before nightfall.”

“There are bruises on his arms.”

Loki paused what he was doing and looked over at her. The Valkyrie met his gaze and Loki gestured for her to shut the door to his office. He leaned against the desk and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting.

“The past few times I’ve visited, I’ve noticed what I thought could be bruising on his wrists, but I could never be certain. I called a few of his friends who have visited and they shared my suspicions, but couldn’t say anything for certain. He is really good at hiding them, but today he couldn’t. There was no mistaking the heavy bruising on his wrists.”

The trickster frowned as he listened to her. Brunnhilde visited his brother regularly, almost every other day, and she would often give him progress reports. Thor had been gone for weeks, longer than Loki had expected. He questioned whether his brother was getting any better, but the trickster couldn’t bring himself to visit the god of thunder. He didn’t want to see that place.

“Did you ask Thor about it?”

“He claimed it was nothing and wouldn’t say anything further.”

“You don’t believe him?” Loki huffed as he pushed off the desk. “Thor is many things, Brunnhilde, but a good liar isn’t one of them.”

Brunnhilde strode closer to him. “Thor doesn’t lie like you do. In general, he prefers to be honest about all things, but you and I both know there’s one thing he’s very good at concealing. Thor will always put others before himself. He’s good at concealing his own pain, Loki. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Loki sat in his chair and tried to think of a way to disagree, to prove the Valkyrie wrong. But she was right and not even the god of lies could figure out an untruth to counter her. Running his fingers over the desktop, Loki looked to her and leaned back a little.

“Let me guess: you want me to go all the way down there and speak with him, where he will likely tell me the exact same thing he told you,” Loki said with a scoff. “I fail to the point of that.”

“I can’t sense lies, you can,” Brunnhilde said simply and Loki squinted at her.

“Even if he is lying, what do you expect me to do about it? I can sense if he’s lying, but I can’t sense what the lie is concealing,” Loki told her. The Valkyrie rolled her eyes.

“With as clever as you are, I’m sure you will figure something out,” she replied. Loki shook his head and glanced over at his calendar. He had nothing further scheduled for the day, miraculously. But it was such a drive…

Then again, perhaps having a mystery to solve would be something to do. And Loki was feeling so terribly bored.

“Very well,” Loki said as he pushed himself out of the chair. “Let us try to figure out what my brother is hiding.”

*

The closer they got to the hospital, the antsier Loki felt. He drummed his fingers on the car door, watching the bland scenery race by. It was going to be dark by the time he got home. The dark haired god inwardly groaned when he realized he was probably going to have dinner at some unreasonable hour.

“Stop it,” Brunnhilde said as she swatted his arm, causing him to wince. “Your fidgeting is making me nervous and the constant tapping is annoying.”

Loki crossed his arms over his chest, the wheels in his mind spinning. If someone were hurting his brother, Loki was going to be most displeased. He would have to do something unpleasant to the guilty party and then have to sit through some tedious lecture about how doing such things was wrong. Ugh, it was such a hassle. Why did Thor insist on getting into these kinds of situations?

When they reached the place, Loki was surprised to see it was much smaller than he had anticipated. He thought Midgardians enjoyed their towering buildings. He was even more surprised to see people wandering around the grounds.

“Shouldn’t they be…?” Loki gestured vaguely. “In secured rooms or something?”

“This isn’t a prison, Lackey,” Brunnhilde replied as she pulled into a parking space. “You see the people in blue. Those are registered nurses. They watch the patients when they go outside. Fresh air is something everyone needs.”

“Huh,” Loki replied as he opened the door to the car. In Asgard, they never spoke of such afflictions. Loki assumed any who suffered from similar conditions were probably hidden away, likely in their vast dungeons. Asgardian monarchs did have the bad habit of imprisoning problems they didn’t want to deal with.

Brunnhilde led him into the facility, which was quiet and rather pleasant, if incredibly dull. Loki studied the pictures on the wall, half-interested, as Brunnhilde spoke to the people at the front desk. He turned when she approached him again, holding out a badge that had bright letters declaring them visitors. Loki stared at it.

“You’re joking.”

“Just put it on,” Brunnhilde replied. Loki rolled his eyes and took it from her, reluctantly putting it around his neck. The material was unpleasant and rough. Loki already disliked the place immensely.

A short nurse with a pleasant voice led them into a room with tables and chairs, a few of which were occupied already. Loki sat in a chair and leaned back, tapping his thumbs together.

“I normally meet with him in the game room,” Brunnhilde told him as she looked around. “Haven’t been in this area in a while. This is just one of their ordinary greeting rooms, usually just used for short visits.”

“Marvelous,” Loki replied, picking at a thread on his knee. He subtly glanced over his shoulder, looking to a small group a few feet away from them. The young man, who was a patient, looked pleased to be with his family, but there was such sadness in his eyes. Loki wondered if they noticed. Midgardians were terrible at picking up subtle cues.

The sound of a door opening drew Loki’s attention up and he frowned. Thor walked into the room, but he flinched as he stepped past the large woman with dark hair in the blue uniform, who glared at him with cold eyes. The flinch was so subtle and something not many would pick up. Glancing over to Brunnhilde, Loki noticed she had probably missed it. Watching as the door closed, Loki committed the woman’s appearance to memory. Just in case.

A soft tired smile danced over Thor’s face when he saw the two sitting at the table. He made his way over to them and Loki watched him, keeping his eyes on his arms. Sure enough, he noticed a hint of dark purple hidden by the robe Thor was wearing. _Dammit, Thor_ , Loki thought as he got to his feet. Plastering his usual brilliant smile on his face, Loki held out his arms.

“Brother, I almost didn’t recognize you. It has been too long,” Loki greeted boisterously and Thor stared at him. A hint of wariness crossed his expression as he glanced to Brunnhilde, who shrugged.

“Hullo, Loki,” Thor greeted, embracing his brother. Loki kept one arm wrapped tightly around Thor’s shoulders while his other reached down and squeezed Thor’s wrist, causing the god of thunder to hiss softly. Loki released him and wrapped his arm back around his brother in a tight embrace.

“You’re hurt, Thor. Tell me what happened,” Loki whispered. Thor pulled out of the embrace and sat at the table, not looking at his brother.

“Nothing happened, Loki,” he said. “Sometimes I wake up with bruises. That’s all.”

It was a lie. Loki grabbed his brother’s arm and pulled back the sleeve of the robe, staring at the dark purple bruising all around his wrist. Thor gently pulled his arm away and lowered the sleeve of the robe again.

“It is good to see you, brother. I have missed you,” Thor said and Loki studied him, tilting his head. His eyes wandered over to the door, where the nurse had been.

“They’re treating you well here?” Loki asked.

“Yes. They treat me very well,” Thor replied and it was a half-truth.

“Have they given you any idea about when you will be released?” Loki asked, noticing an orderly pause and glance over at their table. Squinting, Loki made out the name on the nametag: Brandon. He drummed his fingers on the table.

“I…don’t know. Perhaps never,” Thor said and Loki’s head whipped back to stare at his brother.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I’m very ill, Loki. I do not think I can live outside of a facility like this anymore,” Thor told him. Loki turned his gaze to Brunnhilde, who looked just as stunned and concerned as he felt.

“Thor, don’t say such things,” Brunnhilde said gently. “I’ve been noticing a steady improvement since you came to stay here. You told me just last week that the doctors were encouraged with the progress you’re making.”

Thor shrugged. “I have had several severe anxiety attacks over the past few days. Whenever I make progress, it feels like I just experience more setbacks. Perhaps this is where I’m meant to be.”

Brunnhilde looked over at Loki, who was staring at his brother. Reaching forward, Loki gently took Thor’s hand in his own and pushed back the sleeve of his robe. Clearing his throat, Loki conjured his seidr and carefully pressed his fingers against the ugly bruises. Restraints, they were from restraints, he would bet his life on it. Thor wasn’t supposed to be restrained. Loki knew that much from the reports Brunnhilde gave him. His brother wasn’t violent and the only precaution the doctors had recommended was nightly checks.

“How are things in New Asgard?” Thor asked, watching as his brother healed the bruising.

“Dull, with the occasional foray into catastrophic. It’s to be expected with a place that’s still developing,” Loki replied, focused on the bruising. “The treasurers hate me as do the other advisors. I’m convinced they exist solely to make my life difficult with their constant suspicions and insinuations.”

Thor smiled a little. “And I’m sure you’ve done nothing to warrant such suspicions.”

“Never,” Loki replied, holding out his hand for Thor’s other hand. Thor gave it to him and Loki started working on healing the dark bruises on that wrist. “Honestly, usurp the throne a couple times and suddenly you have a reputation. It’s absurd.”

Thor laughed quietly and Loki smiled at the sound, one that he had greatly missed.

“You are missed, brother,” Loki mentioned, watching as the purple gradually faded. “Our people wish for their proper leader, not just a stand in. Our allies also wish for you to take your rightful place. I fear I still make them rather nervous.”

Thor was quiet for a time, just watching his brother work. “I hope that one day I shall be worthy of that position again. I fear that shall not be any time soon, though.”

Loki soon finished healing the bruises and sat back. For a while, the three at the table chatted about various things. Loki was mostly quiet, only speaking when necessary. His bright green eyes were taking everything in as the wheels in his mind were starting to spin. He had an idea, but executing it was going to be tricky.

Eventually, it was time to say their goodbyes. Thor looked uncomfortable, as if he didn’t want them to leave. He embraced his brother tightly and Loki held him for longer than he normally did. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed his brother. As Brunnhilde embraced Thor, Loki started pooling his magic and prepared to enact his plan.

Loki watched as Thor moved toward the door he’d come through and then turned to follow Brunnhilde toward the exit. They were halfway to the door when Loki replaced himself with an illusion and then moved back to the room they’d been in, cloaking himself from Midgardian eyes. He focused on the illusion he sent with Brunnhilde.

“Brunnhilde, I’m going to stay here for tonight to watch over my brother. You were right. There is something going on,” Loki told her, drawing the Valkyrie’s attention. She stared at him and then shook her head.

“An illusion. Dear gods, Lackey,” she grumbled. “Exactly where am I supposed to go? All the way back to New Asgard? What happens when you get into trouble?”

“I won’t get into trouble. We’re talking about Midgardians,” Loki told her as he continued into the room they’d just left, waiting patiently at the door.

Brunnhilde stared at the illusion walking beside her with a skeptical look. “There’s a hotel nearby. I’ll wait for the call I’m bound to get when you get in over your head.”

Loki rolled his eyes and dashed through the door when it swung open to allow a patient entrance. Committing the doctor’s faces to his mind, Loki continued down the hall until he spotted a doctor working on a tablet. He was distracted by the conversation he was having with one of the nurses and placed the tablet on the counter. Loki raised an eyebrow as he moved over to it, tapping on an app, unsurprised when it asked for a password. Midgardians were adorable.

Using a relatively simple spell, Loki managed to get through the password and pulled up the files on the device. His eyes skimmed the print on the screen until he spotted something bearing his brother’s name. He tapped it and found his brother’s room was on the third floor. Brunnhilde had told him the patients were sent to bed at nine o’clock. Loki glanced up at the clock, noticing he had another hour and a half. Biting his lip, he briefly considered searching for his brother and following him around. Loki decided against it. For one, whatever had bruised Thor’s wrists likely occurred out of view and since most of his time here was spent around other people, those bruises were unlikely to have happened during the day. For another, Thor likely wouldn’t react well to learning his brother had followed him around and spied on him.

Loki glanced behind him and stepped away from the tablet when the doctor made his way back to the counter. The man frowned as he exited out of the window Loki had opened and the trickster quickly made his way to a stairway. Noticing a lock requiring a key card, Loki massaged his brow. The door suddenly swung open when another nurse exited and Loki slipped inside, pleased that he was experiencing some luck.

Jogging up the steps, Loki soon reached the third floor and listened at the door, glancing to where the key card scanner was. Smirking, the trickster reached out and knocked loudly on the door. Waiting patiently, he soon heard the beep of the lock and the door swung open, revealing a very confused looking nurse. The dark-haired god had to swallow his laughter as the woman strode out into the stairwell, looking around for whoever knocked. He easily slipped past her before the door shut and moved down the clean hall.

It was already dark outside and before long, the patients would return to their rooms. Loki glanced up at the room numbers, pausing before his brother’s door. He glanced down at the door handle, testing it and finding it unlocked. Shrugging, Loki glanced around to make sure no one was looking and then pulled open the door, slipping inside the room.

Loki wandered around the ordinary room, inspecting the entire small space. There was an adequate bed against the wall. A small washroom was off to the side. Loki moved over to the window, looking out at the nice view his brother had. Furrowing his brow, Loki tried to open the window. It only opened a crack, nowhere near enough for someone to escape out of. Nodding in satisfaction, Loki shut the window again.

Sighing, Loki moved over to the wall and leaned against it, using his magic to create various shapes and scenes. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed an intercom near the door. Standing alone in the dark, playing with his magic, Loki waited.

The speaker soon announced it was time for bed and Loki glanced up. Soon, he could hear the sounds of patients moving to their rooms. He straightened up a little when the door handle was pressed down.

“Go to your bed.”

Loki frowned at the cold voice barking an order and turned to see his brother standing in the doorway with the unpleasant nurse from earlier standing beside him. A quiet orderly was standing near her, playing on his phone. The woman was glaring at Thor with cold brown eyes and Loki felt a muscle in his jaw twitch when she shoved Thor’s shoulder. _Don’t touch my brother, hag._

“I know what the doctors say, but you know they’re lying,” the woman told Thor as he got into his bed. She snapped her finger at the orderly, who produced heavy leather restraints and handed them to her. For a split second, Loki considered manifesting his daggers. Then his eyes fell on the intercom and a smirk played across his lips. He swiftly cast a spell.

“I hate working here,” the unpleasant woman, Elaine according to her nametag, continued as she strapped the first restraint on Thor’s wrist, jerking it so roughly that Loki actually winced. “You’re not sick, you’re weak. You suffer because you lack character and cannot face your failures. PTSD, what a joke. Anxiety is just a moral failing experienced by mentally weak people. Mr. Odinson, if you’re what passes for a hero, this world is in trouble.”

Thor didn’t react as she finished with the first strap. She moved onto the second restraint and was just as rough.

“You can’t even kill yourself properly—”

The door burst open and a fierce younger nurse stood there along with a security guard and a doctor. The orderly who had brought in the restraints looked uncomfortable. Loki briefly uncloaked his face so just the orderly, Brandon, saw him. He took on his Jotun form so he looked like a disembodied floating blue head with blood red eyes. Brandon let out a scream and bolted from the room.

“Nurse Vasilakis, what the hell do you think you’re doing!?” the nurse snapped as the doctor rushed to Thor’s aid. Elaine’s eyes widened and she looked stunned.

“I…I was just preparing the patient for bed,” she replied, frowning when she noticed the intercom light was on.

“The entire facility heard what you were saying,” the younger nurse, Sue, told her. Anger was blazing in the woman’s eyes and Loki smirked when he saw how nervous it made Elaine.

“This patient doesn’t need restraints and even if he did, these are outdated,” the doctor said, quickly working to undo the restraints. Thor looked just as stunned as everyone in the room. Loki uncloaked himself just to his brother’s eyes, winking when Thor noticed him. Thor stared at him, obviously not believing his eye.

“Dan, please escort Nurse Vasilakis from the premises,” the doctor ordered as he struggled with the restraint. “I’ll be filing her termination papers in the morning. For now, she’s not permitted to be on these grounds.”

“He doesn’t need to bother. It will be a pleasure to leave this disgusting place,” Elaine replied as she started to leave the room. Loki swiftly followed her.

“Wretched weak people,” she muttered under her breath when she was a few feet away from Thor’s room. Loki leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

“Listen here, you insignificant parasite,” he spoke easily and confidently, pleased when she jerked around, stunned. Loki partially dropped the cloak and cast a glamor so that he appeared like some horrific monstrosity made entirely of serpents and insects. Elaine’s eyes widened and she stumbled back, her back hitting the wall.

“Good, you can feel fear,” Loki said, getting right in her space and dropping the temperature around them. “I am a god of vengeance and the god you harmed is under my protection. I am everywhere and I hear all. If you ever go near Thor again, if you even mention his name, I will haunt you. You will find no peace, no rest. I won’t kill you, but wherever you look, you will see me. That cold breath on the back of your neck. That shadow out of the corner of your eye. A strange creak in your house. That will be me. I will haunt your every waking moment and your dreams. You will wish that I killed you, but I won’t be that merciful. Do you understand me?”

He made his eyes flash with fire for good measure. The woman’s eyes widened even more and she nodded rapidly, obviously terrified. Loki smiled, an unsettling feral smirk, and lazily waved a hand.

“Run along, puny mortal. Scamper back to your miserable little life,” he said. She scrambled away, almost falling over her own feet in her rush to escape. Loki smiled as he watched her go and then returned to his brother’s room. The doctor and the nurse had removed the restraints from his brother’s wrists, which were bruised again, though nowhere near as bad as they had been when Loki visited with Brunnhilde earlier that evening.

Loki watched as the security guard examined the cruel restraints. Thor glanced over to his brother, massaging his aching wrists.

“Mr. Odinson, I am so sorry about that. We do not tolerate that kind of conduct,” the shorter nurse was telling him. “We’re going to have someone call your brother and let him know what happened.”

_Oh shit,_ Loki thought as he glanced around. Thor looked at him and raised an eyebrow, amusement dancing across his features. Loki clenched his teeth, quickly reaching into his pocket and grabbing his phone, shutting it off. He turned his attention back to Thor, who was still watching him with an infuriating amount of amusement. The fool was actually entertained by this.

“It may be wiser to call our head of security,” Thor suddenly mentioned, turning his eye to the nurse. “My brother has the bad habit of turning his phone off when he doesn’t want to be disturbed. However, Brunnhilde’s phone is always on and she can always get ahold of Loki.”

“All right, we’ll call her. Will you be all right here by yourself for a few moments?” the nurse, Sue from her nametag, asked. Thor nodded and leaned back in the bed.

“Funny, I never thought the intercom systems in rooms could broadcast that clearly,” the security guard mentioned, scratching his head of gray hair. “Stroke of luck, I suppose.”

Loki watched as they left the room and then turned his eyes back to his brother. Thor was watching him, expectantly.

“I’m so glad you’re taking such pleasure in this situation, brother,” Loki told him snarkily and Thor chuckled, leaning back against the wall.

“I’m rather curious about what your plan was,” he mentioned, smiling warmly.

“I’m making it up as I go along,” Loki grumbled. “It would be a lot easier if you would have just told Brunnhilde or me about that wretched woman.”

“I worried that the two of you might react poorly,” Thor mentioned, unconsciously rubbing his wrist again. “I don’t want any harm to come to her. Cruelty shouldn’t be met with violence. Nothing will be solved that way.”

Thor paused and studied his brother. “You didn’t harm her, did you, Loki?”

Loki harrumphed. “No, I showed restraint. I know how much you dislike mortals being hurt, even if they deserve it.”

“Loki,” Thor admonished. Loki shrugged, glancing over his shoulder.

“I should probably go and prepare to cast another illusion,” he mentioned. “Brunnhilde is staying at a nearby hotel and will arrive soon enough. I shall see you again shortly.”

Thor nodded and Loki swiftly made his way out of the room.

*

It was much easier to meet up with Brunnhilde than Loki had anticipated. Watching from a window in the greeting room, Loki waited until her car approached and then waited for her to park. Once she had gotten out of the car, he cast an illusion of himself beside the car and had it keep pace with her. Brunnhilde didn’t even blink as she moved toward the front doors. Loki smiled and hurried over to the front entrance.

“I am going to have every employee of this hospital stripped of their credentials,” he declared loudly. “What kind of torture chamber is this place!?”

Loki dashed out into the hall and stepped into his illusion, swiftly dropping the cloak he was using to shield himself from Midgardian eyes.

“I. Am. Livid!” he continued and Brunnhilde rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

“Mr. Odinson,” one of the doctors, the one Loki recognized as the man who removed the restraints from Thor’s wrists, hurried over to him. “You have my sincerest apologies. I assure you, we strive to provide our patients with the highest quality care and their comfort is our priority. Had we known your brother had been treated so—”

“Show me to my brother, now,” Loki demanded.

“Yes, of course. Nurse Hanssen will bring you to his room right away,” the doctor stuttered. “I shall speak with Ms. Brunnhilde and provide her all the information I can for if you decide to press charges against Nurse Vasilakis.”

“You do that,” Loki said and followed Nurse Hanssen to the elevator. She was holding a file in her arms and walked quickly, which Loki appreciated. They reached the elevator and she pressed the button.

“I hope you don’t mind my saying, but your brother is very well liked in this ward,” she mentioned. “I don’t understand why Nurse Vasilakis did what she did. Between you and me, she always struck me as an incredibly bitter individual. She always bullied the newer nurses, but I didn’t think she would ever harm a patient.”

“Your species is capable of all kinds of unpleasant things,” Loki replied as he adjusted his jacket. The shorter nurse frowned and looked over at him.

“Aren’t you the person behind the incident in New York?”

Loki side-eyed her and nurse Hanssen smirked, looking down at the file she held. The elevator door slid open and she gestured for him to enter, which Loki did. He wasn’t fond of elevators, but he tolerated them. Leaning back against the hand railing, Loki watched as she pressed the button and the door slid shut again.

“Aside from being tormented by some second-rate nurse, how has Thor been?” Loki asked cautiously. Nurse Hanssen looked back at him, her brown eyes full of compassion.

“Well, I really can’t give you specifics,” she began. “But…Thor is very kind and very warm. The other patients like him and he’s very gentle with them. He seems to be one of those people who genuinely likes everyone. I thought a god would be a bit, I don’t know, full of himself. We’ve had patients with status before and they tend to be very difficult, thinking themselves above everyone else. Thor isn’t like that.”

Nurse Hanssen paused. “When your brother first arrived, he slept for quite a long time. The first few days, he just slept. I think the war really took its toll on him, more than anyone we’ve treated. But he seems to be getting gradually better.”

She leaned back against the railing, looking over at Loki. “He speaks of you all the time. I think Thor really wants to return home and I know he misses you very much.”

Loki sighed and crossed his arms, waiting for the doors to open again. He strode out of the elevator, pausing to wait for Nurse Hanssen. For a split second, Loki had been about to make his way to Thor’s room by himself. Then he realized how suspicious that would look and checked his pace, allowing the nurse to lead him to his brother’s room.

She knocked before pressing down the handle and opening the door. Thor sat up in his bed and put the book he’d been reading off to the side. A small smiled danced across his lips when he saw Loki.

“Brother,” Loki said as he crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Thor. “They told me everything about what that dreadful woman did to you. Rest assured, we are going to prosecute her to the full extent of the law. Were it up to me, I would have her head on a pike.”

“Loki!” Thor chastised.

“I’ll give you two some time to catch up,” Nurse Hanssen said. She left the room and shut the door behind her. Once the door clicked shut, Loki pulled out of the hug and slumped back against the wall, letting out a sigh.

“How hard was it for you to get back in?” Thor asked, a hint of teasing in his voice. Loki raised an eyebrow.

“Not difficult at all. It just required a couple illusions,” Loki replied with a wave of his hand. “I am a sorcerer, Thor. Getting into and out of places isn’t difficult.”

Thor leaned back beside him, closing his eye. Loki swallowed and cleared his throat.

“We’re looking into getting you released,” Loki started and Thor’s eye snapped open again. He looked to his brother. “I no longer trust this place. What kind of incompetence hires a woman like that to tend to the sick?”

“Brother, I’m not ready to come home yet,” Thor argued, his voice almost pleading. “That nurse will not return and she’s the only one who treated me poorly. You cannot judge many for the actions of one. The doctors and nurses here are very good at their jobs.”

Loki turned his eyes to his brother. “Are you telling me you wish to remain here?”

“For a little while longer,” Thor replied. “I…I think I’m almost ready to come home, but I just need some more time. I need a little longer to learn how to manage this condition I have, what the doctors call PTSD. It’s very difficult, Loki, but I believe I’m starting to learn how to live with it.”

Loki’s brow furrowed. Brunnhilde had mentioned what Thor’s official diagnosis was, but Loki had dismissed it as nonsense. The Aesir weren’t susceptible to the same illnesses of the mind that Midgardians were. PTSD, anxiety, these were Midgardian ailments.

The trickster slowly straightened up, considering something he’d thought about a lot for the past few days.

“Thor, let’s leave this planet. Just you and me,” Loki started carefully. “Find some other planet amongst the stars and forget about all that occurred with Thanos and the gauntlet.”

The dark-haired god looked back to his brother who was staring at him with something like disbelief. Thor pushed himself up on his elbow, watching Loki.

“We can leave the running of New Asgard to Brunnhilde. Our people will follow a Valkyrie and she will make a fine leader,” Loki continued. “We can go anywhere in the galaxy, find a new home amongst the stars.”

Loki twisted more to face his brother. “Thor, you have sacrificed so much for this planet and her people, you deserve to have some inner peace and happiness.”

Thor frowned and straightened up so he was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Loki. He slowly rubbed his palms together.

“Brother, I do not wish to leave this planet,” Thor started, glancing over at Loki. “It…it feels like home. This is our home.

“Brunnhilde would make a fine leader, but I do not wish to give up the responsibilities I have to our people, not permanently. I want to lead our people and make certain they can lead peaceful lives. I want this planet that I love so much to be their home.”

Thor dropped his eye to his hands. “Even if I did flee this world…the memories would follow me, Loki. I cannot run from them. I cannot forget all that happened and I cannot ignore the effect it has had on me.”

He paused and shook his head. “No, remaining here and dealing with the memories that haunt me, working to live again, that will be my last victory over Thanos. The last bit of his poison I shall scrub from the galaxy.”

Loki felt a pang of disappointment, but also felt strangely proud of Thor. His brother never ran from a fight, but this kind of battle was something different. It was something he knew the god of thunder would have repressed and ignored in his earlier years. Thor fighting to get better, to heal, demonstrated a kind of inner strength that Loki always knew his brother possessed.

“Well then, I guess I’ll leave you to your healing,” Loki said, bumping Thor lightly with his shoulder. “I suppose I shall have to remain the savior of Asgard for a little longer.”

Thor chuckled and threw his arm around his brother. “Loki, I believe you shall always possess that title. And knowing you, you’ll never let us forget it.”

Loki laughed softly. Thor pulled him into a strong embrace.

“I missed you, brother,” Thor whispered to him. “I’m so glad to see you.”

“Eh, I hear you’ve had plenty of visitors,” Loki teased. “Brunnhilde mentioned the Avengers have visited many a time.”

Thor pulled out of the hug and squeezed Loki’s shoulder affectionately. “You know how much you mean to me. I miss you when we’re separated.”

Loki offered him a faint grin. “Then I shall try to visit more often.”

Thor nodded and they both glanced up when there was a knock on the door. Nurse Hanssen pushed the door open and Brunnhilde was standing just behind her.

“I’m afraid visiting hours were over long ago. Your brother needs his rest,” Hanssen explained almost apologetically.

“Yeah, we gotta get back to New Asgard,” Brunnhilde mentioned. “The place isn’t going to run itself after all.”

Loki sighed and stood from the bed, glancing back at Thor.

“Are you certain you’re all right here?” he asked. _Just say the word, brother, and I shall get us both out of here. I shall bring you back home._

Thor smiled. “I am.”

It was the truth.

“Very well,” Loki said. “Perhaps I can clear a little time to visit over the weekend.”

“I would like that,” Thor said around a yawn.

Loki nodded. “Sleep well, Thor.”

“You too, Loki.”

Loki turned and left the room. A part of him still wanted to drag his brother back to New Asgard, back home, where Loki and Brunnhilde could protect him. The only thing that prevented him from doing so was thinking about how Thor looked. When Thor had left, he looked tired and haggard, beaten.

Seeing him now, even after the incident with the cruel nurse, Thor looked…a little better. He looked a little more like the god, the hero, he was. Some of the light had returned to his eye. So Loki decided to let him stay put for the moment. He made a mental note to figure out some time to visit though he hoped Thor wouldn’t be in the facility for very long.

_*_

Loki was pulled out of his thoughts when the door to the waiting room was pushed open. He stood from the chair when he saw the tall familiar form of his brother in the doorway. Thor was dressed in his everyday clothes. His bag was slung over his shoulder and his jacket was over one arm.

“Hey, big guy,” Brunnhilde greeted, wrapping her arms around her friend in a strong embrace. Thor laughed and returned the hug just as fiercely, obviously having missed her. Loki remained where he was, digging his toe in the ground. He regretted not visiting his brother after that one time. Now he was worried about Thor leaving again. If he were in Thor’s place, Loki was fairly certain it was what he would do.

He heard Thor approach him and glanced up at his brother. Thor was smiling at him and reached forward, tightly grasping his brother’s shoulder. Loki half-smiled.

“It certainly took you long enough,” he teased. Thor’s smile grew and he pulled Loki into a tight embrace, burying his face in Loki’s long dark hair.

“Let’s go home, brother,” Thor whispered to him. “I have greatly missed New Asgard.”

A genuine smile spread across Loki’s face and he wrapped his arms around Thor, hugging him just as tightly. His brother was coming home.


	2. Chapter 2

##  **_Epilogue_ **

## 

_A month later_

Thor woke up slowly, yawning and stretching his arms above his head. He was in his own bed. He still suffered from the occasional nightmare and sometimes had to sleep in Loki’s bed, seeking the trickster’s protection from the terrible images that haunted his dreams. Yet Thor found he was regularly sleeping through the night and often awoke in his own bed.

He blinked a couple times and looked over at the clock. It was early, meaning Loki wouldn’t have left for the town hall just yet. They had spoken over dinner last night and Loki mentioned that his earliest meeting was in the afternoon. It was going to be a relatively easy day.

Thor sniffled and looked across the room, his heartrate quickening when he saw his brother’s bed was empty. Taking a deep breath, Thor reminded himself that Loki was fine. The anxiety he felt was his mind playing tricks on him. It was okay to be concerned, to feel fear, but he couldn’t let it spiral out of control. Taking a moment to gather himself, Thor pushed back the covers and swung up into a seated position. He stood up and made his way out into the main room of the house.

The god of thunder smiled at the sight that greeted him. Loki was asleep on the couch. His brother had obviously fallen asleep while working: there was a thick packet on his chest and papers on the floor. Thor quietly moved over to the couch and scooped up the papers on the floor, straightening them and then placing them on the small table near the arm of the couch. Carefully lifting the thick packet that lay on Loki’s chest, Thor placed it beside the other papers. Loki mumbled in his sleep and turned his head to the side. The god of thunder grabbed the blanket across the back of the couch and draped it over his brother. The weather was starting to get colder and even though Thor knew his brother enjoyed such temperatures, he still preferred Loki not feel too cold. Running a hand over Loki’s soft black hair, Thor smiled when Loki sighed in his sleep and curled up slightly.

Making his way into the kitchen, Thor stood for a moment. He swallowed as he looked around at the appliances. He’d been making small dishes, mostly when Loki was out and relying heavily on Brunnhilde or Bruce’s help. He used to love cooking and baking, a skill his mother had taught him in his youth. Now Thor felt his hands shaking. The last time he’d tried cooking something, he’d experienced a panic attack and nearly burned down the house. _I can’t let fear of a panic episode prevent me from leading a relatively normal life,_ he reminded himself. Loki was here. If Thor experienced a panic episode, he knew his brother could help him.

Straightening his shoulders, Thor made his way over to the oven and started taking down bowls from the cabinets. Moving over to the fridge, Thor opened the door and pulled out eggs, meats, and butter. He was nervous but also a little excited about making a meal again. Thor hadn’t been able to prepare food at the hospital, which had been rather bland.

It took him some time (and more than a few broken eggs) to get back into a rhythm, but once he did, Thor found his knowledge of various dishes started coming back to him. He grinned and made a mental note to bake some fresh bread, perhaps tomorrow morning.

“Thor?”

Thor looked over his shoulder and noticed Loki was standing in the doorway. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, obviously just having woken up.

“What are you doing, brother?”

“Cooking,” Thor answered joyfully. “Breakfast shall be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

Loki stared at him. “Cooking? By yourself?”

Thor laughed. “Are you volunteering to help, brother?”

Loki squinted at him and then looked to the skillet he was working with. “Are you…do you need help?”

Thor shook his head. “I don’t believe so, but I would welcome it if you were to offer. Though I admit, I don’t know exactly what you’d do, seeing as how it’s almost ready.”

Loki shrugged and made his way over to the table, sitting at his spot at the table. Thor cleared his throat and turned his attention back to the food.

“Loki, I was wondering…I mean, if you were okay with it,” Thor started, using the spatula to push the food around so it wouldn’t burn. “Perhaps I might come to the town hall with you today, shadow you for the day?”

For a long while there was no answer. The sudden feeling of a cold hand on his brow made Thor jump about a foot in the air. He glared at his brother, irritated.

“Are you feeling all right, brother?” Loki asked. “I could have sworn you just asked me if you could come into work today.”

Thor sighed and turned the heat down on the burner. “I’m not yet ready to take on the mantle of leader of New Asgard fully just yet, but I want to work towards it. I can’t do that if I don’t understand the inner workings of this place and how you’ve set it up. I’m hoping to learn from you so eventually I will be prepared to take on the role.”

“I see,” Loki said, a small grin dancing across his face. “Well, brother, I would be delighted to have you follow me around.”

Thor smiled widely and turned his attention back to the food as Loki moved back to the table and sat down again. Soon, their breakfast was ready and Thor brought it to the table, spooning a large portion onto Loki’s plate and another onto his own.

“You’ve made too much,” Loki mentioned as he stared at his filled plate.

“Better than having too little,” Thor replied with a shrug as he picked up his fork. Loki pushed the food around on his plate a little.

“That was something Heimdall used to tell us in our youth, was it not?” he asked and Thor nodded.

“I really miss him,” Thor confessed. Loki was quiet for a while, watching his brother.

“I do too,” he admitted. “Gods, I never thought I would, but…it seems so strange, not having the gatekeeper with us.”

“I’m sure he’s watching us from the halls of Valhalla,” Thor mentioned. “Along with Mother and Father. The three of them are probably feeling exasperated at us together.”

Loki snickered and Thor shared in his brother’s laughter. For a time, they sat in comfortable silence, enjoying their meal.

“I’ve had Brunnhilde write up a statement concerning your whereabouts for when you were in the hospital,” Loki mentioned. “We’ve been telling the people you were on an extended trip to forge alliances and—”

“No,” Thor said before bringing his fork to his mouth. Loki frowned and glanced at him.

“Pardon?”

Thor chewed thoughtfully and swallowed. He put his fork down and interlaced his fingers, considering his words. Thor was absolutely terrified about what he was going to propose, but he wouldn’t let fear deter him. This was something he had to do not just for himself, but for his people.

“Loki, you and I both know how we treated such ailments in Asgard. We pretended they didn’t exist. How many Aesir do you think suffered silently because we were too scared to confront such things? How many deaths do you suppose occurred as the result of them?”

Thor turned his eye to Loki. “If we’d had some kind of mental healthcare in Asgard, do you think you would have fallen from the Bifrost? Would our fight have gone so far?”

Loki stared at him. “Brother, I’m afraid I do not follow.”

Thor cleared his throat. “When I first started experiencing panic episodes and then the melancholy ones, I felt shame, Loki. I felt an overwhelming amount of shame because I assumed it was due to weakness on my part, some kind of moral failing. The only reason why it didn’t consume me was because…well, I had you. You were always there to reassure me and help me when I was at my lowest.”

The god of thunder paused and looked over toward the window. “Not every citizen is so lucky. There is such a stigma around illnesses of the mind and it is causing our people to suffer. I cannot bear the thought of any Asgardian suffering in such a way. Ignoring such issues is not what a good leader would or should do.”

“I don’t disagree with you, Thor, but I don’t understand how you expect to end such a stigma,” Loki said before taking a bite of his food. He reached for his glass of water and brought it to his lips.

“I have PTSD, Loki, and anxiety and depression. I’m not ashamed of living with these conditions, not anymore. If the Aesir see that, if they understand that, the stigma will start to disappear,” Thor explained and Loki almost gagged on his water. He stared at Thor, not believing his ears.

“You want to tell people you’re suffering from an illness of the mind? Brother, you can’t do that,” Loki protested.

“Why not?”

“Because a leader needs to be seen as strong, practically invincible,” Loki told him. “If you tell the people that you were so ill you had to be admitted to a facility, their belief in you will be shaken. They will think you unfit to lead.”

“I am still strong, still the same hero I’ve always been.”

“Yes, I know that and Brunnhilde knows that and so do your friends, but Thor, you’re talking about a culture that has a very rigid definition of what is strong and what is weak,” Loki reminded him.

“And that has to change. It never will if we just continue practicing the same traditions and hold to the same mindset. Our battle against Hela taught us that,” Thor told him. “We must face this problem head on and change how we see it. I believe I can still be a good and effective leader despite these conditions. I want the chance to prove that, both to our people and to myself.”

Loki massaged his brow. “You always did like uphill battles.”

“And fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves,” Thor agreed and Loki looked over at him.

“Gods I can only imagine what other leaders will say and insinuate. Thor, you’re determined to make my life difficult,” Loki grumbled. “Any other plans about how to confront this age old stigma in our culture? Aside from publically announcing your own ailment?”

Thor grinned. “Do you have a writing pad?”

Loki sighed and pulled a small one out of a hidden pocket of reality, along with a pen. “I always do. Go on.”

“We need to make sure there are laws in place to protect citizens who suffer from such ailments. That is very important,” Thor began. “At some point, I plan to write up legislation about such matters. Aside from the laws, we need to make sure there are a number of mental health professionals available. A single therapist and psychologist are not enough, not even for our relatively small population.”

Loki nodded as he jotted down his brother’s words. “It might be wise to seek funding to build a facility for such counseling. I can’t imagine every citizen would want to speak with such professionals in the hospital. A calmer environment would likely be preferable.”

“That’s a good idea, brother,” Thor said. “Funding is going to be important. Education is also going to be key.”

“I would suggest speaking with a few of your allies, especially King T’Challa. Midgardians have a better understanding of such conditions and how to deal with them. I imagine they will have some useful suggestions.”

“Yes, I plan on doing that,” Thor agreed. “Is there anything else you can think of, Loki? I feel like this is a rather short list but I do not know what to add to it.”

“Hmmm,” a thoughtful expression crossed Loki’s face. “You mentioned education. Perhaps incorporating a unit in the school and university curriculum, have students learn about such conditions.”

Loki quickly jotted down a note, glancing over at his brother. “You know, allowing citizens with such ailments a leave of absence or some kind of vacation would probably prove beneficial as well.”

Thor nodded to the list Loki was compiling and the trickster swiftly added it to his notes. He raised his eyebrows as he skimmed the writing on the page, running a finger over his lips. Thor watched him and smiled. He was pleased that his brother was going to be at his side, helping him to deal with all the tough issues Thor would face as a leader. _I’m going to appoint him as my head advisor,_ Thor decided. He already knew he wanted no one else in that important position. Once he took up his duties full time, Thor’s first act was going to be appointing Loki his head advisor.

“Is there anything else, brother?” Loki asked.

Thor shook his head. “I think we’ve got enough to start with.”

“More than enough, I would say,” Loki commented as he closed the writing pad and put it off to the side. “Would you like me to tell you about the meetings we’re going to have today?”

“Please,” Thor said as he picked up his fork again and continued eating his breakfast. He listened to his brother intently as Loki explained what they would be doing that day. It was regular run of the mill matters, but Thor was looking forward to it. Whatever battles he had yet to fight, whatever struggles awaited him, Thor had his brother at his side.

He was finally home again.

**_The End_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of yet another tale.
> 
> I want to make it crystal clear: in my AU, Thor will always have PTSD, anxiety, and depression. There is no cure for them. He learns how to live with them and how to manage them. That doesn't mean he never struggles with them (because living with anxiety and PTSD is a struggle), but he does adapt.
> 
> I miss readers terribly when I'm away. I love chatting with you lot in the comments (you're all so wonderful and kind).
> 
> I have no immediate plans for another fic just yet (lots of things currently require my attention). I have no immediate plans for another fic, but I hope to think of something in the future. I just have a whole lot on my plate right now.
> 
> As always comments are welcomed and appreciated. I do enjoy talking to all of you :) <3
> 
> Thank you everybody!


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